Stuff Michael Meeks is doing

Dear Sir / Madam,
	Recently I had the pleasure of obtaining one of your fruit
yoghurts, in the square configuration with an aluminized plastic top.
I eagerly set to peeling the preservative skin from it's expected
adhesive grip to the material below. Imagine my surprise to discover
whilst engaged upon this task what appeared to be some sort of rivet
like contraption twixt sheet and body welding them inseparably. As one
can well imagine this severely impeded my peeling progress, which
clearly must proceed with caution owing to the well documented bad
luck that plagues those who rip such unblemished coverings.
	So; having peeled many a pot I have never been so appalled with
this blasphemous neologism of non-uniform extra methods of adhesion.
Indeed despite scrupulous care my lid became multiply perforated,
condemning me to who knows what horrors! I have taken to hiding
beneath my bed in disgrace, whence my mother brings me periodic
refreshment.
	Hard as it is to write in such confines, I beg to be informed
as to whether this is all part of a fiendish German plot to cripple
this great Nations fortuity ? and indeed whether anything can be done
about my sorry predicament ?!
	Yours Faithfully,

Dear Sir / Madam,
	The other day I was thrilled to receive the most enormous
cylindrical tin of Roses chocolates, with your bold emblem stamped in
imperial red on its rind. Indeed, the smell that arose to my eager
nostrils as I wrenched the lid from its fixing was delicious, the
aroma assaulting my nostrils as of a chocolate smorgasboard, exciting
and fresh as if for the first time.
	However, in this instance it was different. After sating my
initial desire I held aloft a cursory morsel twixt finger and thumb
and, after a moments uffish thought, a horrifying realization hit me.
My worst fears were quickly confirmed by a rummage in the receptacle:
there are No chocolates with a black wrapping. There were many
beautiful chocolates with a white wrapping, some yellow, some green
but no black! Suddenly the sweet taste in my mouth turned to wax, and
a sickening feeling struck me.
	How can we as a forward looking, vibrant, pivotal community of
communities move forward in tackling the obscene and institutional
racism in our society if we can't get this simple thing right ? How
can the police force be beaten to its senses, the teachers re-educated
and the imperialist walls demolished if we cannot even achieve some
sort of racial balance in our chocolate wrappers !?
	Yours disgustedly,